Thoughts
I love airplanes. Which is odd, given that I have been, at times, totally freaked out about flying. But I love them anyway. I see them pass over Seattle and I feel a little yearning every time. I mostly yearn for the adventure they represent. Whenever you board a plane, you are being carried away from your routine, and your normal patterns of daily movement. I have strong memories of when I was a little kid, getting up way before dawn for transatlantic flights. I don’t think I was always happy about being up that early as a kid, but I was always aware that it meant an upcoming adventure and over the years, I’ve become very attached to the feeling of early morning or middle of the night flights. On our trip to Bali, our flight was after midnight, so we were at the airport super late and I loved being there, knowing that we would soon be on our way to a new place I’d never been. If I could live in that sense of anticipation, fully soaked in it, I think I would be a very happy man. Somehow, you are more aware of everything when you are in the middle of travelling than you are during your normal life (or at least I fell like I am).* I have two overseas trips I’m planning right now and half of what I’m excited about is simply being able to experience travelling.
* I’ve thought about this and realize that much of this is simply ones own outlook. I feel like there should be a way to maintain that same sense of awareness, of soaking in all the things around you, but I have yet to find it. Somehow the routine of it all just kind of dulls your senses. It gets put into perspective at times when friends from out of town will notice things I’ve walked past a million times but have never mentally taken note of.
On another topic, I’ve finished school, which feels great, but am also feeling like I’m at a bit of a crossroads. One of my classmates mentioned that he was taking the class for the second time as nursing school requires that you have taken it within a certain time-frame. Which sort of hit it home for me that I have to figure out pretty soon which career choice I am actually going to take. I have several different paths that I could see myself heading down at the moment and I don’t feel like I know enough about any of them to make a real informed and responsible decision (in the sense of doing the right thing for my happiness and fulfillment). I don’t want to rush into something just to maintain some sort of forward momentum and end up feeling miserable and unfulfilled in several years, yet I could also easily be paralyzed by indecision and somehow let the work I’ve put in so far expire. I think I’m need to be using some of this new found free time to mull it all over, do some job shadowing perhaps, and explore my choices more. You know, figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
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