Bionic Teutonic

I’ve been feeling very unmotivated lately, and it’s kind of getting me down. I feel like I spend a lot of time doing nothing. A big part of this is work, which I’ve been finding to be a little unchallenging lately. The side-effect is simple inertia. My body at rest at work tends to result in my body being at rest on my own time and I’m left feeling a little unfulfilled and listless. I feel like I need to make some changes so that I’m excited about the things I do in my life on a daily basis, but I’m struggling a bit with exactly what those changes need to be. I feel like I’m skating by a bit, not making nearly enough music, not taking care of my body enough, not making much progress on my debt, not doing enough projects that I find fulfilling. The hard part about getting excited about the things you are doing is that you have to put the energy into doing those things in the first place, and when you are feeling, well, not excited about things, it’s hard to work up that energy. You also have to be careful that you are doing the right things and not just doing more stuff so you don’t have time to feel bored. I’m half unmotivated and lazy, and half totally restless. It’s kind of a frustrating place to be.

I just got back from Christmas at my dad’s in Montana, where I spent all but the last day sick as a dog. My dad and step-mom bought a new house this year, so it was a little bizarre to spend the holidays in a strange home, but it was good to see the family, even if I provided poor company for them. I watched a lot of bad TV, including some Fox News segments that scared the living daylights out of me. They had a segement basically mocking people trying to keep church and state separate. It ended with the narrator saying “can you imagine if the jefferson museum were to keep his writing on god and his writing on the state in separate buildings?”. As if this was where we were heading if those pesky liberals got there way. Scary.
Also: My sister just had her divorce go through on Christmas day (Merry Christmas Gillian!).

Our power finally came back on yesterday, thank god. Being without a home for 4 days really makes you appreciate having one. Ariel and I made a daily trip back to the house to check on the power situation, but other than that, it was so cold that we had to find other places to be all day. So….what does one do for 4 days without power? Well, other than a few emotionally shaky moments where we just wanted to go home, damit! it was actually nice to be out and about. I made it to yoga twice, we had breakfast, lunches, and dinners with folks, went to see a friend’s comic book show/ book signing, tried to go to see Dina Martina (alas, it was sold out), got some Christmas shopping done, and got to have sleepovers at friend’s houses. Not a bad way to spend a couple of homeless days.
Also, the big news this weekend was that our friends Damon and Julia had a new baby! Cedar Kiley was born on Thursday during the crazy storm, confirming our suspicions that Cedar is actually the prince of darkness come to wreak havoc on the greater Seattle metropolitan area. A damn cute prince of darkness he is though.

We just got hit with a crazy storm here in Seattle. Our power went out at around 9:30 last night and might not be back up for up to 5 days! Ummmm, what am I going to do without power for 5 days? It’s cold as hell at home. This is when I could really go for a cabin with a nice fireplace and some warm hot chocolate. This is perhaps a worse storm than the infamous ‘Inauguration Day Storm‘ of ‘93! (who knew?) 3 people have died, 1.5 million without power. Last night we thought there was a bunch of lightning until Ariel realized that it was actually transformers blowing up all around our neighborhood. When we got up this morning there was roofing shingles strewn around our yard (from our neighbors roof, not ours thankfully) and garbage everywhere. One of my co-workers sent an e-mail saying that 3 trees had fallen at his house - one crushed his wife’s car (she wasn’t in it), one is blocking his cul-de-sac, and one fell on his house! Anyway, I’ll be looking for warm places to be spending my weekend until the power comes back up. Anybody got a cabin with some hot chocolate and a fireplace?

Last Friday I went Teatro Zinzanni, thanks to a friend of mine who got me into the producers booth (Thank god for friends. That shit is expensive!). Ariel and I had been about a year and a half ago, but that was before I had started aerial classes so I had a whole new perspective on it. First off, I found it totally inspiring. The performers are all pretty fantastic and I was really able to appreciate what they were doing more than last time. The thing I was impressed with most was how effortless they made it all look. They have obviously been doing these routines for a while, because there was never a point when it looked like they were straining or having to make a real effort to pull any of it off. Very impressive. The other thing I took from watching them was that I can actually see myself being able to do a lot of it. Not yet, obviously, but knowing what it takes to get down the more basic side of an aerial act, and having a sense for what kind of training is involved, I could picture myself doing it. I can see what it would take to get there and it doesn’t feel unattainable. That in and of itself was inspiring.

Something I just came across that I absolutely can not see myself doing is this. How these people don’t kill themselves on a regular basis is beyond me. Damn.

A few friends of mine have been planning a trip to Bali this March, and I’ve been hemming and hawing about going. UNTIL NOW! I’ve bought my ticket and am officially going. Sun and beaches and gamelon, and temples, oh my! I’m stoked. For all the traveling I’ve done in my life, I’ve never been anywhere outside of Europe. Ariel is not going (book tour, etc.), which makes me sad, although the group of people I’m going with is awesome and I’m looking forward to a truly kick-ass adventure.